For a very long time, I took numerous delight in by no means needing to depend on different folks.
I’m a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser, so I’d typically delight myself on NEVER permitting myself to depend on others. I actually wouldn’t let myself burden any person else with my struggles.
I jokingly shared how I felt about asking for help the other day on Instagram:
I’d gladly assist others with no second thought. However noticed it as a personality flaw for myself (and ONLY myself) if I requested for assist.
I believed that this was one in every of my strengths: figuring every little thing out by myself and being accessible to assist everyone else however NEVER asking others for assist or steerage.
I’ve come to comprehend how foolish – and dangerous – this mentality was. And I’ll drill the purpose house in two healthful methods.
Asking For Assistance is a Signal of Power
Lord of the Rings has been on the entrance of my thoughts for the previous week.
Season 2 of Rings of Energy not too long ago began (and early critiques are saying it’s a marked enchancment over Season 1, which has me excited!).
I additionally listened to a 3-part sequence about The Lord of the Rings on the What Went Wrong? Podcast. It covers how this trilogy got here to life, simply what number of issues needed to go proper, and what a monumental feat it was bringing Tolkien to the massive display screen in such unimaginable and cinematically sensible vogue.
Eager about Center Earth and Lord of the Rings jogged my memory of one of many memes that inspired me to start therapy. If Aragorn, the manliest man ever (okay he’s Numenorean and part-elf, however what I imply) leaned on his associates…possibly it’s okay for me to lean on others for assist too.
Asking For Assistance is a Tremendous Energy
Whereas I mirrored on writing this text, I stumbled throughout a video that introduced a large smile to my face.
Powerlifter/private coach Sherein Abdelhady was filming herself doing heavy deadlifts in a business gymnasium, and a random dude approached her between units and requested one of the healthful questions I’ve ever seen in a gymnasium interplay:
“Hey this can be a bizarre request…however are you able to train me tips on how to deadlift?”
His request was well mannered and respectful, and Abdelhady was more than pleased to assist!
Because of this, this man discovered tips on how to deadlift from any person who knew rather more than he did in that space! And now this man could have a greater expertise (and doubtless save himself from damage) for the remainder of his life doing this unimaginable train.
What an excellent energy! Props to this man for being an actual human, and recognizing that asking for assist and being open to studying is a freaking superpower.
I’m used to seeing movies of girls who’re approached by jerks who supply unsolicited recommendation or mansplain (with horrible suggestions) to girls who’re way more educated than the jerk..
So this was an unimaginable flip of the script. I adore it.
Asking For Assist (One Final Thought)
I’ll go away you with one ultimate thought earlier than I ask YOU for a request.
Once I ask for assist, I tend to comply with it up with “I owe you one.”
This thought from professor Adam Grant modified my perspective:
I really like this.
I’ve to cease myself EVERY TIME any person helps me, and as an alternative of claiming “i owe you one,” I merely thank them. I do know that I’d gladly assist them with out anticipating a favor in return. I assist as a result of it’s the precise factor to do!
Right here’s my query for you at this time:
Is there part of your life the place you’ve prevented asking for assist, making an attempt to determine all of it out by yourself?
Are you able to reframe this in a extra helpful method? One which sees asking for assist as an indication of intelligence and energy – not weak spot.
Are you able to attain out for assist at this time, and NOT say “thanks I owe you one” and as an alternative simply pay it ahead?
Ask for assist! It’s adequate for Aragron, and this nerdy dude within the gymnasium…it’s most likely okay for you too.
-Steve
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